I often have the impulse to ask other Christians exactly what trait of the Lord they most appreciate in their lives. Is it His love that cradles our hearts despite loneliness, rejection, and betrayal? Is it His forgiveness that willingly washes away and forgets every one of our deepest failures and darkest sins? Is it His grace that bestows the abundant blessings of peace, joy, and belonging when we deserve not only none of His favor but none of His notice? Or is it His justice that ultimately punishes evil and rewards with honor those who walk in His ways? Is it His humanity that proves his intimate connection with the human beings that He so desires to save and comfort? Or is it His holiness that sets Him apart from and higher than every other being in the universe?

Does His compassion fill us with an awestruck adoration? Does His wisdom keep us secure in the knowledge that all things are part of His perfectly designed and executed plan? Does His service to others inspire us to serve those around us as well? Does His honesty assure us that we are safe in the hands of One who will never trap us in the fine print of regulations that sap the life out of our bodies and spirits?

The reason I want to ask others these questions is simple: I ask them to myself often and have difficulty answering. But, I am pretty sure I know why I am unsure. Without any one of these beautiful characteristics of the Lord Jesus, He would not be who He is. How could I love any part of my “altogether lovely” Savior any more than any other part? Yes, there are days when His incarnation fills me with wonder and love as I remember the stoop He took for someone as insignificant as me. There are moments that His justice calms my soul as I see all of the ignored injustice in the world around me that someday He will confront and punish. Most days, I cherish the amazing fact of His forgiveness: He forgives my ceaseless stubborn rebellion, my weakness as I fall prey to temptation, my laziness as I haphazardly serve the One who bore agony to save my soul, and my attitude of entitlement when my world is not as I believe it should be and I fail to thank Him for the very air I am breathing and the sun on my face.

But, most of all, I am thankful for His presence– the simple fact that as I write these words, He is sitting right next to me. I am thankful that His ultimate sacrifice on the cross has not only saved me from an eternity in hell, but has also brought me into the most intimate relationship I will ever have. He knows me inside and out, backwards and forwards, the good, the bad, and the ugly. And He will never run away in disappointment or shame. He will not only stay beside me on the journey, He will lead me by the hand to His beautiful home where I can be with Him basking in His love forever.

I don’t understand it and never will. Why He created a creation He knew would fail and fall. Why He would reach down in a sacrifice of incredible compassion and love to lift us from the ashes. Most of all, why, knowing all about me before I existed, He would reserve for me a place in the family and home of God. Truly, the Lord Jesus Christ is an “unspeakable gift.” His worth is incalculable, His beauty unparalleled. I am unworthy to bear His name but I will endeavor to do so in a way that will not sully that lovely name but cause it to shine brighter for all the world to see HIM (and not me).

We saw his strong smile

As he boarded the plane

We saw those hidden tears in his eyes

In that goodbye wave

Today we see

Him lying silent on this bed

Him trying to escape

From the prison in his head

Oh, but he was a warrior

And He is a warrior

And he’ll keep fighting

These iron bars won’t hold him down

He is our warrior

He never gave up on us

How could we give up on him now?

This warrior

They watched Him healing

And raising dead to life

They still would not believe Him

Rejection cut like a knife

Today we see

Him lifted up on Heaven’s throne

And fighting still to set us free

And bring us safely home

He was a Warrior

And He is a warrior

And He’ll keep fighting

Those iron bars can’t hold Him down

He is our Warrior

He never gave up on us

How could we give up on Him now?

This Warrior

Mm, He was a warrior

A mighty warrior

You know, He kept fighting

Death’s iron bars couldn’t hold Him down

Now He is our Warrior

He’ll never give up on us

How could we give up on Him now?

This Warrior

Our warrior..

And we’ll keep fighting, they’ll keep fighting

Those iron bars can’t hold him down…

Each moment, A MIRROR staring at me

Reflecting a self that I don’t want to see

Each word and each action, each step and each thought

Telling me who I am…and who I am not.

 

The mirrors grow nearer and clearer with time

Each day reveals more unerasable grime

On a heart that has rusted from layers of snow

And feet that have wandered with no place to go

Hands caked with dust atrophying beside

A body that’s felt the oppression of pride

Eyes covered with filth, having seen what they’ve seen

Ears filled with the silence of nightmarish screams.

 

These mirrors grow bigger, look deeper until….

I come to the end and lie silent and still.

And over my coffin, a red mirror’s gaze

SHALLows and puts a sweet smile on my face

For the journey is over and honesty’s dead

It is made obsolete by the blood that’s been shed…

 

(The truth is of value now to just a few–

Not those who can SEE–but the ones that choose to

And not just to see but to change and to grow

And hope that death’s mirror has something to show

Something deeper than smiles, than the skin on their bones

But a warm heart that beats and in HONESTY groans

For the Mirror of Mirrors to CHANGE what it’s been

And turn these foul ASHES TO BEAUTY again.

 

 

The peace that overwhelms my fear

The grace that erases each tear

The truth I’m so longing to hear

Whisper, whisper in my ear

 

Let your strength wash away

Every trace of my weakness

And your light illuminate

Every place of my darkness

Your voice is the echo of Heaven

But, Lord may it be

The whisper that whispers Your life into me

 

The forgiveness that makes my heart whole

The faith that lets me give up all control

The love that I know will not let me go

Whisper, whisper to my soul

 

Let your strength wash away

Every trace of my weakness

And your light illuminate

Every place of my darkness

Your voice is the echo of Heaven

But, Lord may it be

The whisper that tells me…

 

Your blood washed away

Every trace of my failure

And You rose from the grave

Conquering death forever

Your glory’s the anthem of Heaven

Now Lord may it be

The whisper that whispers new life into me

The whisper that whispers Your life into me.

 

Condemnation vs. Compassion: A Divine Conversation

MAN:
I told you it could never be
Why didn’t you believe me?
I told you you were foolishly
Naive to think you’d save me

But, somehow still I fell into
Those lies I wanted to be true
I heard you whisper “I love you”
And oft repeated back to you

The lie…

The lie that said you’d changed my heart
With all your love and care
The lie that said I’d never go back
To the world out there
The lie that I believed
While I was wrapped in your embrace
And realized was empty
When alone I had to face
The girl I used to be

I told you you couldn’t save me
Why didn’t you believe me?!

GOD:
I told you we would always be
Why didn’t you believe me?
I told you you belong to me
No matter how you grieve me

But, still you thought I’d leave behind
The child I sent my Son to find.
That loneliness was in your mind–
You left me!- saying I’d designed

A lie…

A lie that said true love was more
Than words upon a page
A lie that claimed your worth surpassed
The wealth of every age
A lie that you believed only
Until your eyes could see
The world was right when they described
The God I couldn’t be

Oh! Forget the reasons you think I’m impossible…
And tell me why my Son is not enough!
If my existence still is unbelievable,
Well..haven’t I proven my love?

Yes, I saw your failure and winced as you fell
I know you’ve felt pain that’s too painful to tell
But, if you think I watch with a hammer in hand
To crush you with guilt when you lose strength to stand…
You haven’t been listening to me
You’ve maybe been hearing those too blind to see
Who I am.

I told you I would help you be
The man you longed to be
Why didn’t you believe me?

I’m telling you I’m here
To wipe away each tear
And melt your foolish fear
Why won’t you believe me?

Why couldn’t you trust that
I’d carry you through?!

MAN:
Why didn’t you see
I’m not good enough for you?!

GOD:
Come to me! I’ll take you as you are.
I will heal that cruel and bitter scar.

MAN:
You could love this wicked, broken heart?
And give a life like mine a new start?

GOD:
Well, that is what I’m offering..
Won’t you take my hand and come with me?
I told you love was beautiful
Now you can see it’s powerful,
WHY DIDN’T YOU BELIEVE ME?

One day these walls are gonna tumble
Each fence of defense will crash to the ground
One day this façade’s gonna crumble
And the mirror much clearer shatter at the sound
Of the truth–
The love I’ve held in will no longer be silent
The words never said will pour out like the rain

But every day you look right past me
And into the eyes of one I can’t be
Every day I catch myself asking
Is love worth all this to me?
What if you never can see what I see
Then one day I’ll set myself free
I’m sick of this cage and its bars
I’m sick of this stage and its stars
I’m sick of this pain and these scars
Hiding so deep in my heart
What if you never can see what I see
One day I’ll set myself free
One day I’ll set me free

One day I’ll walk down the highway
And burned out I’ll reach out for anyone to hold
One day I’ll return to cold silence
And realize my blind eyes never once told
Me the truth–
The heart beating in me will bleed through its thick shell
‘Cause all freedom brought me was heavier chains
My mind will start racing to find whatever it was chasing
‘Till the voice I’ve long longed for will call out my name

And someday you’ll look right at me
See everything that I can be
Someday I’ll catch myself asking
Could love really do this to me?
Finally your heart can see what I see
And safely I set myself free
You’ve unlocked that cage and its bars
I don’t need my stage and its stars
You’ve erased all of the scars
Now I whisper to you with my heart
Finally your heart can see what I see
And safely I’ve set myself free

Safe in your arms, your hand holding mine
Knowing you’ll be here ‘til the end of time
Nothing is sweeter and now I can see
Just how it feels to be FINALLY FREE

No light in this darkness
Like midnight without the moon
No mercy in this justice
And I deserve it all
To come crashing down so soon

I made my choice
It’s over now
I’ll get through this pain I’ve caused myself
But how?

For what it’s worth
I know I’ve fallen
My weakness screams at me
I hear guilt’s loud voice calling
For what it’s worth
I know I don’t deserve Your grace
Or to look upon Your face
But, if You shine Your light into this dark–
For what it’s worth–
You can have my heart

I can bear the consequences though they have to hurt
But I can’t bear for You to leave me here alone
I can’t feel You anymore
I’m pounding on Your door
Don’t you hear?

For what it’s worth
I know I’ve fallen
My weakness screams at me
I hear guilt’s loud voice calling
For what it’s worth
I know I don’t deserve Your grace
Or to look upon Your face
Or see You shine this light into my dark
But, for what it’s worth
I offer you my heart, every single broken part
For what it’s worth

It isn’t much but it’s all there is
How I wish that I had so much more to give
As I lie here in shame, drowning in hurt
Lift me up, Savior
Wash me clean in precious blood

For what it’s worth
I offer you my heart
And I hope that You will take it
For what it’s worth

The shuffle of feet muffles music’s pure voice
The sound of the masses declaring their choice
Why struggle, why work, why fight this, why learn?
If effort won’t determine the wages we earn..
Lifeless hands hang from emaciated frames
An ocean of numbers who’ve forgotten their names
Why reach for the stars when the stars are not shining?
Life’s not worth the looking for that silver lining.
Every cliché we hear everyone pray hits the roof
Like the hollow thud of that burned-out reindeer’s hoof
Even a rainbow blends into a sky shaded gray
The bright-night-colors faded to hideous day.

Clocked-in and clocked-out, we’re suddenly locked out
Of home..and everything life was when it was our own
Purpose is a misspelled dolphin
Dreams–fool thoughts long since forgotten
And love? just a theory that says we could care
About something more than the color of your hair.

What could we possibly want that we’re missing?
We have power and breath and a social position
Sure, we’re all the same and we dye our skin tan
This uniform fits the wide spectrum of man..
But who would we be without equality
Or the justice that reigns in the land of the free?
Why stand out in the cold when the mold is so warm
Where nothing can break us, not even the storm?

Any question you ask, the answer is no
We can’t answer questions because we don’t know
Why ask why things are the way that they are?
Just look at us, we’ve come so far.

He jumped
The only thing he could think of to dull the pain
Of his heart newly broken and bleeding
He jumped
And threw away his future
Like it was hollow as an old soda can
We wonder
Why his feet didn’t stop him and scream NO!
Why his soul stopped fighting
We wonder
Who he would have been
What he could have become
We wonder
If we are as blind and deaf as we seem at this moment
If we were the reason
He jumped
And today his seat is empty
The pallid sky is shrouded in mourning
He jumped
And today every heart jumps with him
In shock and pain
We wonder
If we will ever look at life through the same eyes
If the world really should keep spinning
We wonder
What he felt that we couldn’t understand
What he knew and never said
We wonder
Why the unexplainable happens
Why the earth-shattering is so soon forgotten
Why the strong are so easily made weak
Why those who love the deepest fall the hardest
Why the tragedies we are sure will never happen
Suddenly do and challenge everything we know
Why those who have so much to offer the world
Feel so worthless that they buy costly tickets to leave it
He paid with his life for a one-way ticket out
Out of the raging storm in his mind and heart
Maybe he was weak and cowardly
But maybe, maybe he was just strong for too long
Maybe he hid a secret he was sure he couldn’t spill
And maybe we will never fully understand why
He jumped
We wonder, we will wonder,
We will never stop wondering
May this wonder make us look deeper, speak softer
Ask gentler, and listen harder
He jumped out into the unknown and
We wonder

There’s something in my loneliness
That makes me smile
Perhaps a memory, a moment of truth
That time has forgotten to erase
I dream when I’m lonely
Not because I loathe reality
Because my reality loathes me
The one thing I want more than anything
Is dangled in front of me
Until it is in a moment snatched away

Yet there’s something in my loneliness
That makes me long for some purer feeling
Worse than the fact that I have no one
Is the fact that no one has me
I cry when I’m lonely
Not because no one is near me
Because no one belongs to me
My existence relies on no other’s existence
My heart beats in my chest
With no strings to tie it to another’s

There’s something in my loneliness
That makes my mind wander from its path
Perhaps I should be considering the equation for velocity
Instead I consider how fast I can run back to you
I sing when I’m lonely
Not because I need the release
Because I need you to realize me
To recognize me as a chance at love
A love that happens once in a lifetime
That could be if we let our hearts run free

Lonely is the fuel to a fire I can’t quench with anything
The catalyst setting off reactions I can’t control
Because there’s something in my loneliness
Something I can’t live without no matter how hard I try

The smile, the dream, the dangling wish
The longing, the tears, the song that lulls me to sleep
The once-in-a-lifetime chance…maybe it’s

You

You are the something
That makes my loneliness seem more like love
The kind of love I never thought I’d feel
Impossible to deny or bottle up
With you beside me I could never feel lonely
I could face the world’s pain with a smile

You

You are the something
That turns a sleepless night to a blissful dream
The dream I wish would last forever
Smiling on me like the moonlight
Scattering the last remains of my loneliness
To the shore, swept away by whispering waves

Every moment I spend with you, I fall
Deeper and deeper into those waves of love
With every smile and every word
You tie my heartstrings to yours
Perhaps without even feeling the pull

Loneliness once gripped it tightly
But love is the great thief
Love stole my heart from loneliness
And I have not yet had the chance to thank him